Monday, 29 October 2012

When I Arrive, I Bring The Fire


‘There is in all things a pattern that is part of our universe. It has symmetry, elegance, and grace – those qualities you find always in that which the true artist captures. You can find it in the turning of the seasons, in the way sand trails along a ridge, in the branch clusters of the creosote bush or the pattern of its leaves. We try to copy these patterns in our lives and our society, seeking the rhythms, the dances, the forms that comfort. Yet it is possible to see peril in the finding of ultimate perfection. It is clear that the ultimate pattern contains its own fixity. In such perfection, all things move toward death.’
                                                                                                             (Excerpt from 'Dune')

I have done some light reading on the Greek philosophers of old, and their perceptions about the nature of the world, how it fits together, and why it works the way it does. Here are a few of them that still resonate in my head:

Empedocles believed that there were only two forces in the world – Love and Strife. Love brought things together, whilst strife pulled them apart. He claimed that this explained how things could change and yet the world could stay the same.

Thales said the world floats like a log on endless water, and that all things are full of gods. But when people think of things that are full of gods, they always think about death, and sunsets, and the Niagara Falls; never of doorknobs.

Parmenides was conflicted about reality not being real. He made the beautiful observation of noting that reality could only be understood by thought – which is a disastrous notion in itself. The rational mind is a terrible tool for the job, as it only seeks logic. It searches for justice, and never considers that there may be none. It has this notion, which it clings to, that the truth would save us, though it is quite obvious that precisely the opposite is often true.

Heraclitus was bothered by the fact that everything changes. This perpetual change in the world happens whether or not we notice it. He concluded that since fire changes everything it touches, fire is to blame. Everywhere we look, the world is on fire, burning invisibly, changing before our very eyes.

What senses do we lack that we cannot see or hear another world around us? How do we know we know what we think we know? And if we find that after all we don’t know what it is that we once thought we knew, how do we know we are who we think we are, or thought we were yesterday? You follow?
The thing about being alive is that we have a false sense of control. The world works, whether or not we are an active part of it.

Newton’s Third Law states that for every action, there is an equal but opposite reaction. I’ve taken this out of the mechanical physics context and applied it to what we know as karma. Let me clear something up: It does not work in the future tense. It works pretty much as Newton summed it up – everything you do to me is already being done to you.

Sunday, 28 October 2012

I Want To Breathe

I want to breathe as I want to write.
I need to write as I need to feel.
I must feel as I must live.

I hope things are beautiful. And when they're not, I hope to remember this moment in which they are. Someone you haven't even met yet is wondering what it'd be like to know someone like you. Can you understand? For all my despair, for all my dejection - my life is still a myriad of colours that I cannot comprehend. As soon as you think you are done, you are. So keep learning. Never be done.


What does it cost me to share my life with you?
What do I lose by giving you all that is me? You may have my name, share my knowledge, bask in my humanness. This will seem precious for all of three seconds, but then what will you do with it? What will you die protecting?

We feel that to reveal embarrassing or private things, we have given someone something. That, like a primitive person fearing that a photographer will steal his soul by taking a picture, we identify our secrets, our pasts and their blotches with our identity, that revealing our habits or losses or deeds somehow makes one less of oneself.

But it's just the opposite. More is more is more - more bleeding, more giving.
When you find someone with whom you feel you can share your words with, you stop in shock at all that you are - it all feels rusty, feeble, everything you are seems meaningless from having been cramped in the small, dark recesses of selfdom for so long.

"Life has been some combination of fairy tale coincidence and joie de vivre and shocks of beauty together with some hurtful self-questioning."  ~ Sylvia Plath

Who you want to be is not nearly as important as who you are right now.
I see skies that aren't there, and I read words that were never written. To have a mind that is so beautiful and full, it is annihilating. I need to breathe so that I may share myself with you. All of this so that you may have a part of me in you, and I will never die.